Day 21 of 28-day challenge

Gratitude is...................finding a jar full of roasted veggies in the work fridge ... that actually belong to you ..... when you are STARVING. This just happened to me. I'm off work until July 16, but I needed to come in and do some crappy things like change my outgoing voicemail message, write some Civic Calendar items and shove extra papers in a box to pretend like I have a clean desk. I stayed out at a friend's bbq last night until midnight, came to class this morning, then to coffee but never made any food for today. I figured I had the day off, I'd be covered. During bootcamp I became ravenous. I'm on the FLBO diet until July 11, and have been making all my food from scratch and following the no labels thing almost to perfection (I ate some barley from the Springfield farmers market, the friend's marinade had tamari in it and there was some raw honey in kombucha I drank on Day 1 or 2). It's Day 21. I had already cleared my two biggest party hurdles, wiffle ball day and 4th of July activity with friends. Then there was this. I was so hungry I considered getting something from the vending machine, but thought.... c'mon you've come this far. I thought about stealing some co-worker food, then I figured they wouldn't have anything I could eat either (ethical quandaries aside.) So I decided to just check and see if there was anything I had forgotten to eat. I always make extra but rarely leave anything behind. Then there it was like a beacon of hope: An apple sauce jar full of broccoli, cauliflower, onions and garlic. I've never been so happy! And I'm sure that my co-workers will be happy they won't have to see that turn into a science experiment while I'm on vacation. THIS feels like independence to me.

Day 18 of 28-day challenge

My last big hurdle is Wednesday with a BBQ at a friend's house. I am very proud of how well I have kept to the diet. This time i didn't experience cravings really, so I'm sure it helped I had a head start. I think my head is more clear now. I probably would have been more devastated by the actions of a friend in a different point in my life. But I feel really strong and confident in who I am. You are what you eat. I feel sort of pure.

Day 14 of 28-day challenge

Just like that I am half done and still successful with my main goal of the challenge: eat totally clean, whole foods. I weighed myself at work today and I am at my high school weight. Definitely not at my high school muscle mass or composition, but my thighs looks slim and not pokey-outy and some muscle definition has returned to my stomach despite my lack of working out. I'm a full on believer in diet being more powerful than exercise when trying to lose weight. Things have not been as smooth in the relationship department or with work. I'm struggling. I'm not connecting it to the diet, because physically I fell strong and healthy. But something's off. I can't remember that much from therapy, but im still doing that brain zapper thing. i feel thirst a lot. We're doing Pisgah again for bootcamp tomorrow, but it should have a sunrise this time. I'm going to try and go early and have some solitude. That means getting up in four hours. It doesn't feel like my thoughts are muddled, but two members of my family and a close friend have misunderstood me this week and we've been in some conflict. the family stuff went away right away once we talked, but the friend and I just can't seem to align right now. It's nice to have gotten the weight loss out of the way before the wedding so the next couple months after the challenge can be more flexible and fun. I've started to get rsvp cards back for the wedding and i'm putting them in my manifestation box that i made when I first started bootcamp. My magic and serendipity seems to have gone down lately, maybe because I don't have a big project I'm inspired by like the invitations. With softball two nights a week it feels like I never have time and it's hard to get together with people. Sometimes it feels like I can't keep the pace and I need to just sleep for days. We have that chance coming up soon! I do anyway. Shaun's still working hard. I'll do some weeding with my new garden supplies I got for my bridal shower. I love the seaweed dulse. That's my food insight of the day. I'm lazy/ tired. But still on track!

Day 11 of 28-day challenge

I made it past my first big hurdle this weekend. The house on the river is something I associate with leisure and often debauchery. This weekend that not only didn't fit in because of my health challenge, but because I needed to get a lot of stuff done for the wedding. I had a week that was beyond crazy to try and get all my work done and get all the pieces of the invite together. There were rounds and rounds of proofing and I still left off the N in my friend Samantha's name. There was running around to drop off proofs, pick up proofs, pick up prints, reroute mail.... I ended up having to take some vacation time to do it all and cutting my four day weekend plans short in order to cram it all in. Today was supposed to be the day of rest. Last week, in the middle of the invite madness, I went to bootcamps and softball and managed to get it all done except a big story i've been working on, which mercifully got held. The weekend was non-stop work and motion. Friends came and played wiffle ball, went down to the river, went in the hot tub. They took full advantage of the splendor the river has to offer, periodically helping me with the massive wedding invitation project. My goal was to get as far as the materials we had acquired would allow. And I met the goal at 4 a..m. sunday morning. I didn't get more than 5 hours of sleep the whole weekend. Three friends came over Saturday afternoon and when they got there was the first time I was really sad I wasn't drinking. Luckily I had asked a bootcamp friend for support and to my surprise she stayed the whole weekend. I'm not sure why I think it's generous when people commit to the whole time. I guess I feel being out of town like that it's an imposition to have them visit.. I know if the roles were reversed and my friend had a house on the river I would be there whenever possible. That's how one of my friends--one with whom I always do a lot of drinking--is... If she knows i'm there and she's in eugene, she comes. Anyway, it was very hard to keep my promises with her there. But I told the bootcamp friend all the feelings I was having and she talked me through it and continually reminded me of my goal without annoying me. What was also great is she had never met any of my friends and there were hours where I didn't see her. She just kept herself entertained. I couldn't believe it on Sunday, when she subbed for my softball team because a parent had to stay with a fevered child. she revealed how uncomfortable bat and ball sports made her. It was a little stunning. This is what the bootcamp teaches... to not be afraid of anything or doubt your own awesomeness. I learned a lot from her this weekend and I kept my promise to myself. She didn't drink but she sure ate bean dip and jello, while still helping me keep my promise. We probably need to testify to the facebook group. In line with the purity diet, I have been limiting my facebook interaction to only the wedding group, but maybe i'll rejoin participating with the bootcamp group. I think my main goal for this week will be sleep. If it's optional and not contributing to me getting to bed earlier, then I'll just skip it. I feel completely emotionally drained after such around the clock work and no ability to sleep in with the looming deadline. I knew i had to finish because there is no space in my apartment to work on it. I probably fried my adrenals even further. Certainly drank more coffee than I ever had, even in college. And black. Black coffee. I took a shot of cider vinegar when the three girls drank whiskey. All and all I guess I am proud. Almost halfway through the challenge. The rest will be easy if I don't go on this big July 4 camping trip. I think I need to not, even though I really like the people. I think I'm going to hole up at the river. Clean all my wedding glass, count and iron napkins and finally have some full blown relaxation before things get crazy again. Some say the supermoon is making people crazy. I feel very out of balance today. My heart felt in panic much of the evening and I had to sit through a night meeting for city council. They were talking about giving the city manager a raise. I can't believe I even finished the story. My best friend called me and I cried into the phone for half an hour while I was on deadline. Tonight I am going to ask my dreams why I am so affected by other people's emotions.

Day 7 of 28-day challenge

Yay. I reintroduced myself to my old friend chia cereal. Meredith first showed me this stuff and I really thought it looked gross. But it's wonderful. Today I made it with a variety of seeds and nuts, two dates, a handful of raisins, 3 strawberries and cinnamon. I had that after hiking pisgah with the fitness group. What a strange day today has been. Packed with stress, and a few urges to cheat in the sugar department.But I didn't. Things i remember eating today: Salad greens and meat sauce kale, onions and three oz steak orange nectarine chia cereal lots of coffee not enough water shaun is going to have salmon for me ready for when i finally make it up to the McKenzie. It will be interesting to see how I come down off this stress. It was related to being on deadline for two stories and having all these last minute things related to my wedding invites come up and take away my day. After this deadline is met, I will have much less to worry about in terms of the wedding. Hiking pisgah was fun. It ended up raining a little and that was refreshing. No big sunrise or anything, just a sort of lord of the rings mist.

Day 5 and 6 of 28-day challenge

Same issues as first few days; not enough water. I'm probably eating enough food though and maybe I'll stick with not getting the full five portions of protein for a total of 15 oz. Maybe because I'm small and not working out that much I don't need that level of food. I feel nourished and I'm not hungry ever. Today I decided to clear out my no. 1 distraction. That is facebook. If I make it 22 days without facebook it will be somewhat of a miracle. I'm always checking on my phone and at work. It's totally compulsive and makes simple tasks take longer. It was rather rash when I made the decision, but I didn't feel pain. I think doing it absolutely is the way to go. Anyone I need to talk to can probably get a hold of me by phone or email. There's one thing I know is coming via facebook that I will miss and that is my cousin Walter's address. Anyway, I'm making some meat sauce right now and had steak, kale and onions for dinner. I would prefer to spread my red meat servings out through the week but that's just the way it worked with ease of prep and being short on time after having a softball game tonight. I kinda of wish I wasn't playing softball during this challenge, but hey, if there weren't obstacles it wouldn't be much of a challenge would it? I need to get a lot done at work tomorrow and not having facebook addiction distracting me should help that happen. Gotta get up extra early and hike Pisgah at sunrise tomorrow. Definitely wouldn't be doing that without the group so I'm very thankful. I have four days off coming up, but I think it will mostly be working until Monday, when I plan to really rest, and read and just be with myself up at the river.

Day 4 of 28-day challenge

I'm not going to take the time to blog today because i am waking up for 4 a.m. for bootcamp. Made it through a day with no cheats. Went against my own advice and had fruit during a minor sweets craving. My idiot neighbor is blasting her music. I think she does it to spite us sometimes, or because she's had too much to drink. The worst was one day she was blasting Queen at 4 a.m. and wouldn't respond to anyone banging on her door or calling her phone. I've tried not to talk to her since then. Sucks because even though she and I were never that close, the fact there is someone at the building who I actively avoid is an example of a mini toxic relationship. I wish to have none of those. I don't think I ate enough today, but since i haven't worked out in a week it's probably OK. I wasn't really hungry. Ate some of the pork, some of the chicken and salad greens during the day.